Patang kat gayee.... KITES

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bakulmatiyani
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Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by bakulmatiyani »

Kites

This review is for all those who have not been satisfied by my facebook status update dated 20th may'10 last Thursday night and still have not seen the film or have the great misfortune of sharing my sense of humor because sense of humor is exactly what one needs to sit through this piece of work.

Kites has been ready and in waiting for almost 2 years now, which means that it was made about a year before that, counting back that would mean 2007. So the audience in 2010 has been served up a film that was made 3 years back ekdum fresh ☺.

The media is calling KITES a crossover film, ok I’m willing to pick up and run with this new terminology. By definition a crossover film would mean a film that holds it’s appeal not only in the culture and country of it’s origin rather it appeals to the world audience at large. “Kites” however is shocking for the Roshan’s the inverse of this definition. Kites has managed to put off the Indian audience and rub them the wrong way big time.

This was one big film that I went in to watch with very low expectations for I like most of us have learned the hard way that “the lower the expectations the greater the appreciation quotient”. So the story of the film is as follows:

J (Hrithik roshan) :yes his name is a single alphabet so as to try and add some more style and panache to the film: is a Bollywood dance teacher in Las Vegas Nevada because we all know that bollywood dance is a greatly sought after dance form on that side of the desert.

As a sideline, he marries immigrant women to get them green cards and dreams of one day making it big.

When Gina (Kanganaa Ranaut), the rich (read demented) daughter of a powerful (and still as hot as ever) casino owner (Kabir Bedi), falls for him. J goes along in order to marry into money. He discovers that his future brother-in-law, the vicious, homicidal Tony (Nick Brown – yes I no one cares about his name), is about to marry a beautiful Mexican woman named Natasha (Barbara Mori), whom J knows as Linda, the last of the immigrant women he married.

On the night before "Natasha" and Tony's wedding, Linda and J. spend a romantic but chaste night that makes you wonder if there really is such a thing as pre marital sex or is it just a figment of real people’s fertile imagination. As expected a jealous, gun-wielding Tony arrives at her apartment while J is still there just in time to not allow the virginal Natasha/Linda any kind of coital pleasures.

As if this was not enough to piss off her raging hormones Tony also proceeds to hit her and finally Linda impulsively knocks him out with a heavy object while he tussles with J. Linda and J. go on the run from all and sundry, including the police, Tony ke aadmi and also some local goons predictably and expectedly dressed in leather.

From here on end the film is pretty much down the toilet and if my story narration seems to excite you please do go to a cheap theatre unlike the ones in andheri namely CINEMAX who want to charge unsuspecting viewers INR 400/- per ticket to watch this CROSSOVER (snigger, laughter, choke on my drink) CINEMA EXTRAVAGANZA.

Even though the film has a lot of action packed sequences it still feels slow, the action sequences have this slow music even though nothing really poetic is happening. In the visual treatment of the film a lot of referencing is very apparent; in the mood for love, Road to perdition to name a few.

Now in all seriousness, in one line I would describe this as a well-shot waste of time. The fact that the critics in India have ripped apart the film while the ones in the Americas has like it (I’m not joking I said “in all seriousness” remember) both surprises and amuses me. All I can say is that I guess their standards are slipping. Given below for your enjoyment are some of the reviews that Kites has received in the Americas:

"Roshan requires viewing uncut: writhing on the dance floor or just gazing into space, the man was made to drive women crazy, one movie at a time."

New York Daily News it was "An engaging Bollywood tale! Melodrama, romance and action are cheerfully jumbled together."

Variety magazine found it "Deliriously entertaining!" The film, it said, "owes more to Hollywood than Bollywood, though director Anurag Basu borrows plenty from both, aiming to give Indian song-and-dance pics the same sort of crossover success 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, did for Asian martial-arts movies."

"Indian star Hrithik Roshan makes a striking international debut in an ambitious Bollywood crossover film. Grand, action-packed love story set amid the garishness of Las Vegas," said The Hollywood Reporter.

"Roshan and Mori are as beautiful as human beings can be, and the love they depict is as high-flown as you'll find in a movie," said the San Franciso Chronicle suggesting, "Go in smirking, but by the time it's over, you'll believe."

Personally I think that the producers should have released the international version in India also even if it meant getting an A certification. Reasons for this are as follows: 1. It would have been of a shorter duration hence easier to put up with. 2. The A rated scenes would have ensured the interest of a section of the audience could have been kept alive.

Oh my god some of you are still reading this, oh well here it comes;

TECH SPECS:
Cinematography is quite good, the choice of colours is very nice which add to the mood the film is trying to setup (read only in the first half), some of the background score by Salim-Sulieman is very catchy and fresh.

Music (read songs) are pathetic (read I don’t remember any of them).

The dialogues are uninspired and flat, the actors are constantly try to breath some sort of life in them and failing. The film ends up looking like a poor case of conviction over content.



P.S.- @ the paid preview on Thursday night the audience was laughing and clapping during the climax ( need I say with sarcasm not enjoyment)
Vikram Srivastava
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Vikram Srivastava »

Dear Bakul!
I am contemplating where to begin.
First of all... Thanks for the warning! I read your note on facebook itself.
You, of course, are a brave soul and do this for the sheer sense of duty that you posses.
I sympathise though, with the poor souls who you took along to see this monstrosity.
Though I have stayed away from the film, I did chance upon a clip with Kanganga makes a fool of herself dancing next to Hritik!
As for the positive phoren reviews, maybe they are just being sarcastic (and the raving Mr. Roshan - both Sr. and Jr. haven't figured that out yet. Or maybe they are just judging it at the level of a spectacle -
Good looking lead pair. Check
Nice locations with decent cinematography. Check.
Bollywood ishtyle naach-gaana. Check.
Story. What story?
This is fast food cinema. Very nicely packaged - shit.
I suggest that all those suffering fromthe 'badey dino se film nahi dekhi' itch, better go see Shrek 4 (in 3D or 2D, doesn't matter). Doesn't match up to the first two. But definitely better than the third. And very entertaining, the way it's meant to be.
Meanwhile, I wait for Rajneeti and Ravan.
Cheers,
Vikram
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Paramvir Singh
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Paramvir Singh »

really looking forward to Ravan.

did anyoen notice the execution scene in Kites, copied completely from hollywood noir gangsta movies? shootout amongst cars in the rains, people in trench coats with umbrellas, shot in Mukesh mills, perhaps in an afterthought to the expensive shoot abroad, with a Ford Endeavour in the foreground masquerading as a Gangsta super SUV?
Vikram Srivastava
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Vikram Srivastava »

Leave all that...
How about it raining all the time in the middle of the Nevada Desert!
Matlab, kuch bhi!
So if you think you are smart and don't copy a film, frame for frame or the story.
You write one on the toilet paper while taking a dump.
And reference all the shots / styles from other films.
It's called the 'Akal + Nawal = Safal'!!
Jiyo Papa Roshan
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by antara »

Bakul, where's your Raavan review??? Waiting with baited breath!
Vikram Srivastava
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Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Vikram Srivastava »

Antara...
Remember the posters on the road?
"Fear Ravan"... "Loathe Ravan"...
Now you can add another one to the series - "AVOID RAVAN"!!
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Paramvir Singh
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Paramvir Singh »

is it that bad?
Vikram Srivastava
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Vikram Srivastava »

Param...
This one makes 'Bad' look Good!
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Re: Patang kat gayee.... KITES

Post by Paramvir Singh »

ah! i have been considering Bakul's idea of a movie rating system for ftiipeople.com

soon as I am able to get some development money :(
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