House-Hunting

[antara]

Ten Steps to (Un) Successful House-Hunting in Mumbai:

1. Source contact numbers of brokers from the last person you heard got a 'good deal' (basically someone who didn't have to pay 1lakh deposit and 16k rent for a 1BHK and lived to tell the tale) OR listen to your sister and register on http://www.magicbricks.com and entertain calls from brokers at all odd hours of the (week/Sun) day.

2. Try to sound firm, business like and IN CONTROL even when your lease is expiring in exactly 15 days (Oh come on, wars have been won on less!)

3. Take time off from work every other day to see a house that is the exact opposite of what you specified ("yeh budget mein waisa ghar nahin milega, budget badhao"/ "aisa construction wala ghar ab nahin banta")

4. Get THE LOOK from every sundry broker and his sub-brokers. "Where do you work", "Films?Media? Ghar nahin milega, budget badhao", "Two working girls? Koi ghar nahin dega, budget badhao", "Freelancer? Hawwww! Company ka letter chahiye, ghar nahin milega", "Aapki roomate lawyer hai? Waah Waah, tab toh ghar mil jaayega" (at this point my self esteem has sunk lower than ever)

5. Single Girls and Boys are clubbed together under a single pariah group "Bachelors", characterised as such: Male bachelors don't get houses because they bring women home and do baaaaad things. Female bachelors get houses more easily because no self respecting girl brings her boyfriend/s home (eh?)

5(a). The broker has a bike "Aap isi par baith kar chaliye, nahin toh aap ghar nahin dhoond paayengi". You politely refuse and take an auto instead. Broker gives you THE LOOK again ("Who'd hit on you anyway!)

6. The cheapest deal you will get will be a 'converted' 1BHK that is on the 4th floor, with no lift. The stairway will have some heavy duty gutkha artwork that you can admire on your way up. Not to mention a general feeling that the little puddles you see in the corners are not rainwater-made after all.

7. You finally think you've found you dream-flat. You walk into the bedroom and see...a cracked ceiling (" Upar ke flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"), a cracked floor ("Niche ke bhi flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"). You walk out.

7(a) "24hours paani aata hai madam" , Broker turns on tap to demonstrate. Erm...No water. "Aaj tank saaf kar rahein hain".

8. Broker making you feel guilty ("Aap ko toh kuchh bhi pasand nahin aar raha...aise toh kuchh nahin milega, budget badhao")

9. Thereafter the broker stops taking your calls.

10. Back to step 1.

Hmmm....so what am I doing wrong?

[kalradipika]

Hmmmm... u have my full sympathies... im still recovering from my 2mnth trauma...keep going...

[antara]

Please contribute generously to our fund for homeless and misunderstood (not to mention, apparently depraved ) fellow-sufferers.

[Paramvir Singh]

I dread the traumatic house hunting experience myself. my sympathies to you. and in true blue mumbai style, shall we exchange brokers' numbers


here's an old list of brokers from exactly two years back. most of them would have beccome builders by now (going by how much they rip us all off) or the more enterprising, politicians. feel free to add to the list and please rate them as well if possible...

[Paramvir Singh]

I would love to try this with one of those ultra conservative mumbai 'societies'

[Mandar]

i have been stayin alone for two months....and it has been been a roller coater ride for me......
i dont understand what goes into there HEADS... ....
there are unsaid rules which i have to follow...as follows:-e
i cant comn late...reason given...the security guard has to sleep...so dont wake him up
i cant have girls @ my place.....strictly no...(there was an incident happened..it was an embarrassing one for both me .. the girl and her husband to be..)
the latest one is the best one till now....I CAN'T HAVE BOYS @ MY PLACE ALSO........????????????????
this was the best one till date i have heard...never thought i will face it...but yes..was tooooo funny the way the society chairman came and talked to me.....

[kalradipika]

mandy,atleast they did not hint tht u indulge in prostitution!

[antara]

just a lot of idiotic moral policing from people who themselves have harem-fuls of mistresses (and erm...masters). Some bizarre projection-sublimation pattern.

[Paramvir Singh]

mandy,atleast they did not hint tht u indulge in prostitution!

maybe the Broker was interested? mandy, your society guy needs a whacking. Lets take him to the institue one day and give him what it takes.