House-Hunting
Posted: Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:10 am
Ten Steps to (Un) Successful House-Hunting in Mumbai:
1. Source contact numbers of brokers from the last person you heard got a 'good deal' (basically someone who didn't have to pay 1lakh deposit and 16k rent for a 1BHK and lived to tell the tale) OR listen to your sister and register on http://www.magicbricks.com and entertain calls from brokers at all odd hours of the (week/Sun) day.
2. Try to sound firm, business like and IN CONTROL even when your lease is expiring in exactly 15 days (Oh come on, wars have been won on less!)
3. Take time off from work every other day to see a house that is the exact opposite of what you specified ("yeh budget mein waisa ghar nahin milega, budget badhao"/ "aisa construction wala ghar ab nahin banta")
4. Get THE LOOK from every sundry broker and his sub-brokers. "Where do you work", "Films?Media? Ghar nahin milega, budget badhao", "Two working girls? Koi ghar nahin dega, budget badhao", "Freelancer? Hawwww! Company ka letter chahiye, ghar nahin milega", "Aapki roomate lawyer hai? Waah Waah, tab toh ghar mil jaayega" (at this point my self esteem has sunk lower than ever)
5. Single Girls and Boys are clubbed together under a single pariah group "Bachelors", characterised as such: Male bachelors don't get houses because they bring women home and do baaaaad things. Female bachelors get houses more easily because no self respecting girl brings her boyfriend/s home (eh?)
5(a). The broker has a bike "Aap isi par baith kar chaliye, nahin toh aap ghar nahin dhoond paayengi". You politely refuse and take an auto instead. Broker gives you THE LOOK again ("Who'd hit on you anyway!)
6. The cheapest deal you will get will be a 'converted' 1BHK that is on the 4th floor, with no lift. The stairway will have some heavy duty gutkha artwork that you can admire on your way up. Not to mention a general feeling that the little puddles you see in the corners are not rainwater-made after all.
7. You finally think you've found you dream-flat. You walk into the bedroom and see...a cracked ceiling (" Upar ke flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"), a cracked floor ("Niche ke bhi flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"). You walk out.
7(a) "24hours paani aata hai madam" , Broker turns on tap to demonstrate. Erm...No water. "Aaj tank saaf kar rahein hain".
8. Broker making you feel guilty ("Aap ko toh kuchh bhi pasand nahin aar raha...aise toh kuchh nahin milega, budget badhao")
9. Thereafter the broker stops taking your calls.
10. Back to step 1.
Hmmm....so what am I doing wrong?
1. Source contact numbers of brokers from the last person you heard got a 'good deal' (basically someone who didn't have to pay 1lakh deposit and 16k rent for a 1BHK and lived to tell the tale) OR listen to your sister and register on http://www.magicbricks.com and entertain calls from brokers at all odd hours of the (week/Sun) day.
2. Try to sound firm, business like and IN CONTROL even when your lease is expiring in exactly 15 days (Oh come on, wars have been won on less!)
3. Take time off from work every other day to see a house that is the exact opposite of what you specified ("yeh budget mein waisa ghar nahin milega, budget badhao"/ "aisa construction wala ghar ab nahin banta")
4. Get THE LOOK from every sundry broker and his sub-brokers. "Where do you work", "Films?Media? Ghar nahin milega, budget badhao", "Two working girls? Koi ghar nahin dega, budget badhao", "Freelancer? Hawwww! Company ka letter chahiye, ghar nahin milega", "Aapki roomate lawyer hai? Waah Waah, tab toh ghar mil jaayega" (at this point my self esteem has sunk lower than ever)
5. Single Girls and Boys are clubbed together under a single pariah group "Bachelors", characterised as such: Male bachelors don't get houses because they bring women home and do baaaaad things. Female bachelors get houses more easily because no self respecting girl brings her boyfriend/s home (eh?)
5(a). The broker has a bike "Aap isi par baith kar chaliye, nahin toh aap ghar nahin dhoond paayengi". You politely refuse and take an auto instead. Broker gives you THE LOOK again ("Who'd hit on you anyway!)
6. The cheapest deal you will get will be a 'converted' 1BHK that is on the 4th floor, with no lift. The stairway will have some heavy duty gutkha artwork that you can admire on your way up. Not to mention a general feeling that the little puddles you see in the corners are not rainwater-made after all.
7. You finally think you've found you dream-flat. You walk into the bedroom and see...a cracked ceiling (" Upar ke flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"), a cracked floor ("Niche ke bhi flat mein kuchh kaam chal raha hai"). You walk out.
7(a) "24hours paani aata hai madam" , Broker turns on tap to demonstrate. Erm...No water. "Aaj tank saaf kar rahein hain".
8. Broker making you feel guilty ("Aap ko toh kuchh bhi pasand nahin aar raha...aise toh kuchh nahin milega, budget badhao")
9. Thereafter the broker stops taking your calls.
10. Back to step 1.
Hmmm....so what am I doing wrong?
....
???????????????? 